I am sitting here alone inside of my closet at home. Everyone has left so now that I’m by myself I don’t have anyone to stop me. I have a loaded gun getting ready to place it inside my mouth. Once I get it all the way to the back of my mouth I will blow my brains out. When that’s over you will be able to see pieces of my brain shattered all over my closet walls. You will also see the very back of my head blown off with my eyes turned into the back of my head and bloody body slumped over. Life is just no longer worth living any more! I can’t find a job and my rent is two months past due! My family has shut me out of their lives. My friends don’t care anymore! If I don’t find work I will be homeless again and I refuse to go through that again. I was cheated on twice with the person that I thought loved me and now I realize that no one loves me but everyone hates me. I don’t like the way that I look when I look in the mirror. Everyone looks better than me and they all seem to have more money than me! I’m tired of people spreading false rumors about me because it hurts so bad. My family members have been talking bad about me for many years. I’m not perfect and never was but the minute that I make a mistake, I get talked about by the very people who claim to love me! They act like they’re perfect. They can never do any wrong but let me do something and my family would put me in the electric chair! I’ve been raped over and over by certain family members growing up but when I reached adult hood, I was finally able to open up and tell certain family members about it because I trusted them to listen and understand. When I told them they didn’t believe me and thought that I was just making it up and was scolded in the process! That really hurt so bad that my own family would think that I would make up such a story about people! I just feel like I’m the black sheep of the world because everyone hates me and now I hate myself. I wish that I was never ever born into this depressing world! I’m tired of my friends stealing from me, I’m tired of always being on the losing end! I have been hurting for years and the pain just won’t go away. Someone suggested that I talk to their pastor about my problems. When I did he looked at me the wrong way and touched me in a way that hurts to bad to talk about. So now here I find myself in my dark closet sticking a gun inside my mouth to end it all!
I know that this is so sad to hear but there are many people all over the world who are getting ready to commit suicide because they are dealing with many of these type issues that was listed in the example story line above. If you are considering suicide then please STOP AND DON’T DO IT!!! It is not worth it at all. You think just by killing yourself is solving the problems that you are having when in all actuality it is not! I have to be honest with you here by first telling you that God is speaking through me and is saying that he loves you no matter what. The other thing is that by you killing yourself, I believe that it is a one way ticket to hell because you can’t repent after you’ve sinned. While you are living and sin is committed, you have that chance to ask God for forgiveness because murder is a sin.
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Life is always going to bring us ups and downs but that is just how it is. I have gone through so much trials and tribulation growing up until now. Please know that there are always people who are going through greater things than you. Many people have tried to get others to love them. Looking for love but ended up hurt in the process. The only true one that will never ever hurt you is Christ Jesus! Finding out who God is is very important. He will show you love and not just any ole love but the kind of love that you never ever experienced! The Holy Spirit is asking why would you let others that have committed wrongs against you to cause you to take your life. That is just letting Satan win. After all Satan is the father of all lies and is like a lion seeking whom he will devour. Satan comes to still kill and destroy so don’t let him destroy you.
1 PETER 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
Don’t let Satan trick you into thinking that life is no longer worth living anymore! As long as you are living you have that chance to have a better life! You just don’t know that it is very possible that after the very day you take your life, your major breakthrough was in the mailbox or via phone call that you’ve been waiting for, but you would of never found that out because you have already cut your life short. I don’t care if the whole world hates you because that means nothing. God is the true one who loves you and no man can separate the love of God! You don’t have to answer to man but only to God. Man does not have a heaven or hell to place you in. God is the God of second chances!
There are many people who’ve already committed suicide that either the very next day or several days later to a week their blessings were ready to be manifest! You just don’t know what the next day holds. You are not the only one who goes through trials and tribulation! If people really knew Christ with having a close personal relationship with him they would not be killing themselves. With knowing that there is hope in Christ Jesus is just enough to know that suicide is just not an option. We often times are so caught up in what man thinks but that doesn’t matter. When you commit suicide not only you hurt yourself but you hurt God! Yes God cries when you take your life! Why?? He is your father and true creator who loves you more than anyone else could. People think that Jesus doesn’t cry but he does. For God to love us so much but not cry when we hurt would make him a liar now wouldn’t it? Seeing how God is not a man that he should lie is proof enough that he cries because of the true love he has for us.
God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Please know that whatever you are going through and whatever you are facing just call upon Jesus and he will save you! Don’t let the devil (world) having you thinking that God really doesn’t love you or care about you! Don’t let the devil have you to believe that God is causing this on you because it would be very untrue!
Satan has many ways to try and get people to blame God. People often times blame God for the death of their loved ones and get very angry with God which is not fair! You don’t ever here them blaming Satan for taking their loved ones! Now why is that? I want you to really meditate on that question? Have you ever been blamed for bad things that someone else committed and you were very upset because you knew in your heart of hearts which is your spirit that you had no parts of it? LET’S STOP BLAMING GOD EVERY TIME THE DEVIL DOES EVIL AGAINST US AND START BLAMING HIM! Many people now a days don’t really honestly believe in God, don’t think that Satan really exist but as soon as bad things happen in their lives they want to blame God!! That is sad! Point the finger at Satan not God. How can we even begin to understand the whole spiritual warfare that is taking place without ever picking up our bibles and learning. Stop letting this world have you to think that God is just a religion made up in your head! Ask God to reveal himself to you and I can personally promise you that he will. Just open up your heart to him. God loves you so much. PLEASE LISTEN THAT GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH. While you are crying he is right there crying with you while wiping away your tears. Don’t place your trust in man but put all of your trust in God! Please don’t take your life!!!!!!! You feel that you’ve tried everything but you haven’t! You have not tried God! What is wrong with trying God? Let me guess is it because you can’t see him that you think he really doesn’t exist?? Do you know that there is a great chance that you could of seen God and didn’t know it was him. God has the ability to transform himself to human form walking down the street. It may sound crazy but God is the creator of the universe and all of mankind!
Don’t let your bad experiences with this crazy world cause you to fall and take your own life! You must pray and ask God for strength! Ask God to direct your paths and he will but you just have to listen and make sure you are hearing from God and not the devil. Put your faith in him!
There is someone right now who is contemplating suicide by jumping off of the Golden GateBridge in San Francisco but the Holy Spirit is saying don’t do it and that he loves you. There is someone else thinking about taking their life by overdosing on pills but God said NO DON’T DO IT BUT COME TO HIM BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU AND IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAL YOUR SOULS DISEASES!
Call upon Jesus and he will save you. Killing yourself is not the answer but Christ Jesus is. God loves you and so do I. If you need help then first seek Christ and with seeking Christ first, please feel free to contact me for second hand help. Pray Psalms 91 over your life daily!
May God bless you and I love you with the love of Christ!